Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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