i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
