If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
