you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
