Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
