Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
