They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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