Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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