Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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