I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
