I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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