Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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