Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
