WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
