she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
