Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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