Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
