I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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