it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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