1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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