Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
