Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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