Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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