so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
