we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
