Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
