I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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