i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
