What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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