Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
