we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
