sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
