Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
