So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
