I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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