please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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