Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
