we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i've created a new STD.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
