i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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