i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
