half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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