First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
its not stalking. its research.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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