I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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