I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
