Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
