I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
