just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
