well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
