I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
