I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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